Avoidance, Confrontation, and the Happy Middle
In every marriage or close relationship, conflict is inevitable. But the way we handle disagreements often falls into two extremes: avoidance or confrontation. Both can be damaging if left unchecked. Thankfully, there's a better way—a balanced, biblical approach known as the happy middle.
In this post, we’ll explore what avoidance and confrontation look like, the dangers they pose, and how Christian couples can embrace a healthier, more godly path to resolving conflict.
🚫 The Problem with Avoidance
Avoidance happens when we choose silence over discussion, sweeping problems under the rug in hopes they’ll disappear. Many people avoid conflict because they fear confrontation, want to keep the peace, or don't know how to express their feelings.
But avoidance doesn’t solve problems—it simply delays them.
Common signs of avoidance:
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Giving the silent treatment
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Changing the subject during serious conversations
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Pretending nothing is wrong
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Bottling up emotions
📖 "Better is open rebuke than hidden love." – Proverbs 27:5
Avoiding important conversations leads to distance, resentment, and emotional disconnection. Over time, unresolved issues build up and explode unexpectedly.
⚔️ The Danger of Confrontation Without Love
On the other hand, some people deal with conflict by confronting head-on—but without gentleness. They speak to win, not to understand. This style can feel like an attack rather than a discussion, leaving wounds that take time to heal.
Signs of unhealthy confrontation:
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Raising your voice
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Using sarcasm or blame
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Bringing up old mistakes
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Confronting in public or during high-stress moments
📖 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." – Proverbs 15:1
Confrontation becomes destructive when it lacks grace and patience. Even when you're right, being harsh can lead to more harm than healing.
🌿 The Happy Middle: Truth in Love
Between silence and shouting lies the happy middle—a place where honesty and empathy coexist. This is the path God calls us to walk: speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).
What the happy middle looks like:
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Expressing your feelings calmly and clearly
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Listening with empathy and patience
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Choosing the right time and place for serious talks
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Praying before or after difficult conversations
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Focusing on resolution, not blame
When both people seek to understand rather than to win, relationships grow stronger—even through conflict.
🙏 A Prayer for Balanced Communication
Lord, help us resist the urge to avoid or attack. Teach us to speak with truth and grace. Give us wisdom to communicate in a way that brings peace, healing, and unity. Help us find the middle ground where love leads the conversation. In Jesus' name, Amen.
💡 Reflection Questions:
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Do I tend to avoid or confront during conflict?
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What would it look like for me to meet in the middle?
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Am I inviting God into how I communicate?
Healthy relationships thrive not by avoiding conflict, but by handling it with humility, honesty, and grace.
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